Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: unknown

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 11
(WUUT = Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament. A review of the top stories from the past week in the world of UT that really matter to you!)

* TOR2 There has been some movement on TOR2 this past week, which means that the UTCRYOChamber has been seeing lots of action. Due to the length of time that it has been taking to run the TOR2 some of the players have elected to FREEZE them selves to make sure that they don't pass away from old age before the tournament is over. Catalyst, who has been noticibly absent from the tournament was finally found in the back cryo-chamber hidden behind the UTAle refridgerator. "Izzzzitttt-t-t t-t-tttime t-ttto fighttt-t-t yet-t-t-tt?" cat questioned as they chipped the last of the ice off of his forehead. When told that how long he had been frozen in there, he immediately fragged all the employees of UTCRYOChamber Inc.. Please see the Jobs Section if you are qualified to operate any of those units.

* The FOOD, AMMO n' BABY Supplies STORE: We have figured out hyper's salary and the latest pictures of the store are now up and available to view. Actually the store is built and in place on REH MRA but we have only given out the goggles to certain people. Goggles you say? Well, since we are a little understaffed because of Dessloch's mistress being pregnant, we have hidden or "cloaked" the store so that only a certain number of people can get in. The entrance can be found only if you know where it is or if you have the goggles on.


A news breaking interview with: the NOOB EATER !

Q.How did you get into the job of being a noob eater?

A. Well, I am just walking along when this idiot falls from the sky, and
me being hungry ate it and well, I've been doing it ever since.

Q. What do Noobs taste like?

A. A lot like chicken really,and their great with garlic.

Q. Is there any advice you'd like to give to the noobs so they won't be

A.Camp and keep from leaning outa windows to have a look .

Q, How many noobs do you eat per day?

A. 5 to 6.

Q. 5 to 6?!? What do you do with all the other noobs?

A. Oh sorry. 5 to 6 hundred thousand

Well, that noob eater is a really interesting guy huh? I hope the rumors
that he is friends with Barney aren't true.

* Encryption expert to help us with the internal workings of the WUUT.

* Cryogenics Tube technicians needed. Please contact the WUUT head offices for further details. Please don't tell catalyst that you are applying for this job, or you might meet your end a little sooner than normal.

UPDATES From LAST WEEK's Newsletter

* Hypersipher has failed in setting up a union at the FOOD, AMMO n' BABY Supplies STORE. Oh yeah, his salary is going to be $1.00 CDN per 100 years.

* Zaphod's encrypted interview from last week can be decrypted at www.rot13.com.


* OBITUARY: Victor Weisskopf, a great and beloved physicist died
Monday at 93. He worked on the Manhattan Project and then warned
the world of the consequences of using nuclear weapons. [ from Robert L. Park]

That is all for this week. Sorry it has been so short again!

(back issues available for a small fee, very small, insignificantly small, so small you would barely even notice.)

Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind, and now, possibly even more.