Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: unknown

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 10
(WUUT = Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament. A review of the top stories from the past week in the world of UT that really matter to you!)

* 10th Weeklyverssary! Ten issues of the WUUT have been produced, or squeezed out! Okay so we are celebrating here at the head offices and consuming mass quantities of UTAle!

* Most of our reporters have been taking a break from the UT servers this past week so we don't know what has been going on there. However there has been an increase in the number of Butt implants requested from our UT plastic surgeons. It seems that some of the NOOBs were thinking that if they get their butts implanted with a large woopi cushion, it will help them survive the fall from the towers and upon landing the loud "FARTING" sound will scare away the NOOBEATER therefore they won't lose their soul!

* The FOOD, AMMO n' BABY Supplies STORE: We still need need to figure out hypersipher's salary. Here is the math major formula that we need to figure out before we can start paying him. Please someone give us an answer to this:

"One half of Hyper's salary was put on a train leaving california at 6pm travelling at 56.8 km/h. The other half of his salary is on another train leaving new york at 6:30pm and travelling at 98.7 km/h. If the mass of the first train is 1.56 times that of the second train and you neglect gravity in the equation and all items are at standard temperature and pressure. What is the mass of Hyper's salary and how much is it worth in canadian dollars given todays gold exchange rate?" thank you...


Zaphod interviews Clalan the Great!

Pynyna: Guvf vf gur zbfg rkpvgvat guvat gung unf unccrarq gb zr!

Mncubq: Jryy guvf ernyyl vfa\'g gur vagreivrj, guvf vf whfg n fcnpr svyyre gung pthy vf gelvat gb svyy fbzr fcnpr jvgu juvyr V jnvg sbe gur nafjref sebz lbh fb gung V pna jevgr hc zl pbyhza.

Pynyna: Bu. Fb guvf ernyyl vfa\'g zr fnlvat nyy guvf fghss!

Mncubq: Ab, naq V nz abg ernyyl fnlvat nal bs guvf gevcr rvgure. Pthy vf jevgvat guvf nyy bhg bs uvf fvzcyr yvggyr zvaq. Gbb onq ur qvqa\'g unir nalguvat vagryyvtrag va gurer!

Pynyna: Bu lrf vg vf. Fb lbh ner fnlvat gung V pna fnl nalguvat V jnag! Jbj...jryy gung thl arrqf gb yrnea ubj gb glcr! Ur vf znxvat zr ybbx yvxr n sbby!

Mncubq: V xabj. V nz cynaavat ba gnxvat bire gur jubyr bcrengvba, JHHG naq nyy! Vg znxrf n uhtr nzbhag bs zbarl!

Pynyna: pbby ubj pna V trg vaibyirq?

Mncubq: jryy lbh pbhyq fznfu uvz bire gur urnq naq fgrny uvf pbzchgre. Be jr pbhyq whfg gryy uvz gung jr jnag gb qb gur JHHG naq V nz fher ur jbhyq gnxr n onpx frng. Ur ybbxf gverq.

Pynyna: Arng. Jryy jr fubhyq fgbc guvf gnyx va pnfr Pthy npghnyyl fgnegf ernqvat jung ur vf glcvat sbe hf naq yrneaf nobhg bhe qrivbhf cynaf gb gnxr bire gur JHHG!

Mncubq: Ebtre! Fuuuuuuuu!

Pynyna: Gunaxf sbe gur pung!

Mncubq: Lbh gb! Yngrem.

Well that didn't come out so well, it must have been ENCRYPTED! Well maybe we should get Zaphod to resend it to us, or maybe someone could decipher it! :)

* Encryption expert to help us with the internal workings of the WUUT.

UPDATES From LAST WEEK's Newsletter

* Hypersipher is starting a union for the safe workings at the FOOD, AMMO n' BABY Supplies STORE.


* This week has been relatively quiet on the front, except the wonderful EXPANSION of the surgery called BUTTOCKS implants. Yes, people want to have butts that look more like Jennifer Lopez's butt. Can you believe this? People go under the knife for frivolous things like breast remodellings, nose jobs, face jobs, lip jobs and now they want to make their butts bigger. Wasn't it just a short while ago when we had to endure Sally Struthers and her thigh master that was trying to make your thighs and butts smaller? Oh my, another conspiracy!

That is all for this week. Sorry it has been so short!

(back issues available for a small fee, very small, insignificantly small, so small you would barely even notice.)

Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind, and now, possibly even more.