Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: unknown

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 3.

* BREAKING NEWS!!!: Ares is having a heart attack!! He is dying.....it doesn't look good...he isn't coming back folks....nope false alarm, he has just respawned! Crisis averted.

* TOP STORY: "WUUT offices under attack by unruly bots!" Just minutes ago this journalist was fighting for his life against an group of unruly bots from the REH servers. Apparently it was leaked out that we were going to run a story on the darker side of the life of a bot, which enraged bot leaders. An attack on the Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament (WUUT) offices was ordered and now we are under seige. Officials from REH say that they should have the bot situation under control very soon. Please people....don't panic.

* DESSLOCH CAREER CHANGE? Dessloch is considering retiring and opening up his own "Food, Ammo n' Baby Supply" shop on the lower level just left of the launch pad. The problem is that he is unable to get the appropriate zoning laws change so that he can build there! Please sign the petition by replying to this message to help support the building of this very interesting sounding shop!

* BOTS WON'T PLAY BALL: last week we reported that the bots had reached an agreement with Rockhard to continue working. Well SpaceShrimp has come forward to give us an insite to the darker side of the bots. In a very damaging quote to the groundswell of support for the bot's cause, SpaceShrimp outlines the bot's refusal to co-operate "...we were demanding they play more like humans but they refused and said it is in their nature and prefer to run back and forth along a 3 ft line. whatever ,we gave in and layed off most off them..." This has gotta hurt the sympathy that was building for the apparent mistreatment of the bot's by Rockhard. We approached the Bot's for a reaction to this statement but they just shot our reporter.

* BETTY-BOO SCANDAL!: Or crack team of investigative reporters have uncovered a scandal by our beloved betty-boo. Some players have been noticing that betty-boo has been smelling like green apples recently. First they thought is was just a new shampoo, or some new soap or actually using these things in a shower! But now our reporters have uncovered the truth. Alegedly betty-boo was overheard talking to her trainer and she had said that "Yes this perfomance enhancing plan is working like a charm, BUT that cgul guy is getting suspicious i think." So jumping on this information our reporters confronted betty and the trainer and asked them what sorts of cheating this was. The responded with, "Apparently if you eat lots good food like apples and shower regularily and get lots of sleep, your skill at UT improves." Of course the reporters had a good chuckle over that one and new that they weren't going to talk! But folks keep your eyes open for clues and let us know any clues to this scandalous mystery!

* NEW CLAN: A brand new clan has just been formed. Look for them and shoot them everywhere! (weeeeeeee).


* WUUT is looking to hire a reporter to do interviews with some of the top players so that the noobs can get to know what they are really like. If you are interested in this position please contact cgul. The pay is a tax free $0, and it looks good on a resume!

UPDATES From LAST WEEK's Newsletter

* REH MRA Lost and Found is currently empty. However check back often as there are many new people playing the servers and us vets know that the noobs tend to lost things quite easily [lives, heads, etc..]

* THE UT-FARTS Art competition winners will be announced tomorrow!

That is all for this week.


Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind.