WUUT XP 02 :: Shizzle-my-dizzle?

Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: Mar 27^th, 2004

WUUT-XP The X-treme Predjudice Edition
2v02
This WUUT-XP has been extruded especially for you from the finest electronic plastic money can buy.

* The scoop on BettyBoop
What happens when your clan schedules a battle on a night you can't make it? What happens when your clan leader tells you, "Miss anymore clan battles or your out of the clan"? What happens when you're going to be at work during your TOR4 timeslot? Hire the BettyBot! Yes that's right, the BettyBot is revolutionizing clan battles and tournament battles around the world. Schedule conflicts are but a distant memory as you can rent out a BettyBot by the match or Tournament. Want to impress your friends with 90 frags and three flag returns a game? Get the BettyBot and rent her by the frag. And with the highly anticipated BettyBot v2.1, she can play AS you by allowing you to upload all your dumb trashtalks, mistakes, and lame comebacks. Her flexibility is endless! Never again will you have to let on to your opponents that you were too scared to show up. We recommend you schedule your battle dates now as her calendar is quickly filling up with dP| members.

(Editor's note: She also comes in 5 apple scented smells!!)

 

* TOURNAMENT RECAP XP STYLE::
As promised here a small report on the attempt to play the semi-final between Boss+Starplayer and Weedie+Me. Everything has happened as written below (if i remember correctly).

PROLOGUE (Friday, March 5th)
(times are local european EST)

6.45 p.m.: Boss, Weedie and me meet in IRC to get the party started. Skirge and JJ are there, too.
6.46 p.m.: Everybody is ready - but where is StarPlayer?
6.47 p.m.: Boss tries to get StarPlayer on IM and phone - no success.
6.50 p.m.: We discuss which server to play on. Weedie tries to get Rocky or Nutcase - no chance, it's 11 a.m. EST!
6.51 p.m.: I start trivia to cover the waiting time. Trivia starts. A-bot boots Trivia-bot for spamming more than 3 lines per second. Skirge-bot boots A-bot for booting Trivia-bot. Silence. Oh well.
6.54 p.m.: IllDragon pops in. Hey, there is always a GOD-member around. Hehe. He's willing to replace StarPlayer so we are complete. But which server to play on?
6.55 p.m.: I remember DarkMarshal offering to play on the (dying) VIP-server. I test it, it is set to 3 teams, ping is decent, i go back to IRC and propose it.
6.57 p.m.: Everybody agrees. Boss even has admin access. We go off for VIP-Server.

THE GAME

6.58 p.m.: There we are at the VIP server. But what's this? Moments after we enter fools rush in: JJ (spectating), f!sh and Spectr. VIP server is always empty - why do they have to come in just now?? After being told the situation all leave except JJ and Skirge (spectators).

6.59 p.m.: Some noob keeps returning. He's not to bad with his rocket launcher: A pesky aliaser! Not answering our requests to leave Boss finally kicks and after another return bans him. Fine. Finally professional atmosphere.
7.00 p.m.: Boss starts tweaking the server to reset it to 2 teams. Works. Set.

7.05 p.m.: After some warming we decide to play. But what's the server restart command? JJ knows it.

>

7.08 p.m.: Rebooting fails. We decide to finish the round and start with the new one. Here we go.
7.09 p.m.: We frag away. Suddenly some myterious gold players rush in. Three of them! They don't interfere but can be fragged.

7.11 p.m.: More gold players enter. Now they already outnumber us!

7.17 p.m.: This is insane! Already 8 gold players. We stop playing. Meanwhile we also figured out team damage is at 50%. Weedie complains.

7.22 p.m.: I find one of the gold players in the basement. He has a blue skin, but i can still frag him (as a blue team member) for a point.

7.22 p.m.: Match ends in a big whining. Boss whines about the tech problems. Weedie whines about ping and the tech problems. Illy whines about mysterious pop-ups on his machines that keep interrupting his gameplay.
7.25 p.m.: Weedie pops off. Skirge is close to a heartattack. JJ is fooling around. Match postponed. :)

* HISTORY OF 5CARD -- THE UNAUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY

5Card is a frequent play of the REH servers. I had the pleasure of playing 5Card for the first time in my battle for the ascendance of the REH throne. After losing miserably to him I thought I would investigate how he obviously cheated to beat the likes of me.

5Card is the son of 3Card and 4Card. 3Card is the daughter of the very famous 2Card and Spakolita who in 1916 defeated the reigning champions in the original Unreal Tournament (fought in a large swamp with heavy rock mallets.) 4Card is the progeny of a one night stand between 1Card and (this is not well known) BlueAngel's great great grand father. It was a torrid affair with lots of loud animal noises and scratching noises...She was wearing....oh sorry back to the story....

3Card and 4Card moved to a remote location in central Kansas where they had little 5Card. 5Card was a messed up kid from birth. Born with an extra digit on each hand, and gargantuan eyes, he quickly became an avid gamer where he could use those extra fingers to control the game like no other, and use those gargantuan eyes to instantly shoot all oncoming targets. Anyway, ostracized at school for being a strange looking kid, he quickly had people feeling sorry for him, and developed a protective posse that were called "the Deck".

The Deck followed him everywhere he went and cheered him on while he played his tournaments. The Deck grew to a whopping 52 people, and for some reason started to be addressed in general terms as the "Deck of Cards" Some people liked the new name others didn't so they cut the Deck, and formed the dP clan. This caused a power vacuum in the deck so there was a big shuffling of the cards and new positions were dealt out.

Over the years members of the deck were discarded and now only 5Card remains. After several semi-successful plastic surgeries, he looks almost like a normal human, and can walk around town without playing crazy eights if you know what I mean.

Anyway....after researching his past, I found out how he beat me. I wasn't holding my cards close enough to my chest!!! Damn cheaters. Oh yeah he had an ace up his sleeve as well. He actually had bettybot play for him weeeeeeeeeee

THIS IS FOR REAL

March. Nothing really exciting going on in march.

Please take a moment and think of the poor innocent victims on the train explosions in Madrid Spain. Violence begets violence and the cycle keeps repeating until someone loses the stomach for it. Unfortunately our world is still learning to live together, and even more unfortunately, this learning is happening at the end of the barrel of a gun, with little understanding and a lot of carnage.

Love one another you smelly rotten fart-heads.

Submissions for the WUUT-XP maybe shoved up your ...
*** Disclaimer: Most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of very strange minds.
** Thanks this week to: the child labour at the new ReH Servers, fJacko, rocksoft, and a can of spray cheese!
* WUUT appreciates the space alotted to it by Rockemhard and the people associated with Rockemhard Inc.